A Hetalian's Guide to the Galaxy
by The Ace of Space
Summary: It was just another Thursday... or so it would've been if the Vogons weren't there to destroy the Earth. A crossover between Hetalia and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  - UPDATED
1. Chapter 1

**Ah, thanks for checking out this story. This isn't the first fan-fiction I've written, but this is the first time I've wrote a fan-fiction of my own (and also without using an OC as the protagonist). Sorry for any OOCness that's present. Anyway, I've had this idea to write about a cross-over of Hetalia and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy since I first started reading Hitchhiker's. The idea had been killing me, so I finally decided to start it… This probably isn't too great, as I probably just murdered two of the greatest works ever… So sorry… Please review if you can. Thanks…. Warning: Rated T for Tony's potty-mouth.**

**Disclaimer: Neither the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or Hetalia belongs to me. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy belongs to Mr. Douglas Adams and Hetalia belongs to the wonderful Hidekazu Himaruya.**

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><p>Somewhere in the outskirts of our Galaxy, there lies a small yellow star, which for some reason, is called the Sun. Once, there was a small insignificant planet orbiting around the Sun, which its inhabitants referred to as Earth. Of course, this doesn't matter too much anymore since the Earth was destroyed on a rather unfortunate Thursday along with almost, but not quite, all of its inhabitants. Of course, somebody had to suffer the consequences from that, but that's a matter that we'll discuss later. This story is about the consequences of this event and how it affected some of the Earth's ex-inhabitants, but not so much of the consequences of the only human to survive that horrific event. And so our story begins...<p>

It was about six A.M. on a Thursday in the house of a certain American. On any other Thursday morning, this American would be fast asleep and wouldn't be awake for quite some time. However, this was no typical Thursday morning, and this particular American happened to be awake. Of course, if he'd had his way, he'd still be asleep. But thanks to a certain alien by the name of Tony, he was unwillingly awake.

The American gave what was supposed to be a glare aimed at this alien. "Dude, why'd you wake me up?" the American asked. Tony sighed. He wasn't too sure about how to tell America what he had just found out on his Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic. Tony started telling America that the world was going to be destroyed, but all he got for a response was an "Oh really? Man that sucks…" before the American had managed to fall back asleep. Tony sighed again and pulled out a hamburger out of a brown bag. It seemed to be a weakness for America, since the American jolted straight up in his bed when the aroma hit his nose. He sure was odd, Tony thought to himself.

"When did you get this Tony?" America asked in a loud voice as he reached for the burger. Before he could grab it, Tony moved the burger out of his reach. This was the only method Tony could think of to get the American to listen to him seriously and not this regard the matter like he had for the past week. "That is of no importance. The important thing is that your life, along with the lives of everyone on this planet and this planet itself, is currently in danger at the moment due to an upcoming Vogon attack that is bound to happen sometime today, and your only hope of survival is to escape while you can, "Tony explained. He watched as the news finally registered on the American's face. "This is terrible! If the Earth is destroyed, where will I be able to get hamburgers from?" Tony face palmed himself. He wasn't expecting the response to be any different, but he had wished that it wouldn't have been so typical. Oh well, he thought. At least America finally got it.

Just then, a knock came from America's bedroom door. When America went to open it, he nearly gave the person on the other side a heart attack by yelling, "What on Earth could be more important than the crisis we are fixing to face?" The person on the other side of the door sighed. Why'd America have to be so freaking loud? "A-merica, what's wrong? Why are you yelling?" A nervous looking guy who looked very similar to America asked. America grabbed Canada's shoulders and started shaking them, much to Canada's dismay. "Canadia, dude, the world's going to be destroyed today along with all of the hamburgers!" America yelled. All Canada could do was sigh sadly. "If the world is going to end, shouldn't you be a little more concerned for your life? Anyways, where did you get this ridiculous idea of the world ending from?" America pointed at Tony, which confused the alien. "America, what are you still doing at the door? And who were you yelling at?" he asked. Canada had no idea what Tony just said, but he raised a hand in the air and whispered "I'm right here." To Tony, it was just a wisp of air entering from the hall.

Suddenly, America seemed to have an idea. "What if we created a massive superhero to block the Earth from the Vogans or whatever they're called?" Tony just simply shook his head. "Negative, America. The hero wouldn't be able to block the Vogon's attack. Anyways, we don't have enough time to build a hero that would be able to do this. Our only hope is to escape while we can." America slowly nodded his head reluctantly. Just then, a moaning sound came from a neighboring room and Tony became immensely irritated. When a certain British person came stumbling in the room some moments later, Tony starred at him and said "Fucking limey," but instead of the usual angry response (stare) he usually got back, today he was just ignored. "America, why on Earth am I in your house?" England asked, slightly annoyed.

"Dude, you got really drunk last night," America responded. England did have bad drinking habits. Tony was growing even more irritated. "Ignore the fucking limey. We need to leave before the Vogons get here," Tony said to America. Tony left the room and started walking towards his spaceship. America followed him, with a confused England and…. someone close behind him. Or at least it seemed like another person was there.

"Get in," Tony said. Inside the spaceship there were various supplies ranging from junk food to towels. America got in and it felt that another being had entered too, but when England tried getting in, Tony closed the spaceship. America laughed while England looked like he was in shocked anger. "Ah, stop playing around Tony. The British dude can't be too much trouble…." America said as he started laughing. After some immense glaring at both America and England, Tony finally opened up spaceship. "You own me big time," he mumbled, but America didn't catch it. As England sat down in the ship, Tony closed the ship once more and started the ship. "So long, Earth," he said as the ship was launched in the air.

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><p><strong>Well, that's it for the beginning. I just want to note that when it says that it's six A.M, that is for the time zone GMT -5, instead of GMT 0, which would be when Hitchhiker's takes place. I know that was kind of pointless to say though… This chapter didn't really have much to do with Hitchhiker's besides the Vogons, but it'll probably get more involved later on. So long, until next time. <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

** i'm sooooooooo sorry for the late update, but at least I made it before the end of the month! Thank you very much for reading this and also thank you for the reviews. I'm sorry if I didn't respond to you last time. Anyway, this chapter is kind of different from the Hitchhiker style... I hope it doesn't suck to bad. I think the real cross-over is starting in the next chapter by the way. So, I hope you guys enjoy, and such. **

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><p>Three nations (or should I say ex-nations, as their planet of residence was just recently destroyed) stood in complete silence. Even the usually loud and arrogant American was shocked into silence for once. The reality of what happened hadn't really sunk in until the planet Earth was destroyed. They didn't have to watch, as it was already way behind them. They all <em>felt <em>it inside them. Tony had thought about trying to lower the atmosphere, but he decided against it. He understood the effect that this had on them, so he decided to leave them be for a little bit.

"It's a shame what happened, da?" a voice said. Upon hearing the voice, all three felt a sudden wave of terror coming over them, before feeling a wave of relief. They stayed like this for a while. For it wasn't the person who said it that really frightened them, but rather the fact that they had heard the voice that shocked them. Finally, the man known as England said something.

"… Russia, you're… alive?" he uttered, barely a whisper. He was too shaken to turn around, afraid that he was just hallucinating.

"Yes," was the simple reply that came back.

"HHo- ho-"from behind came a small laugh, but it wasn't the man's usually laughing.

"America's friend saved us, "he replied back. "I thought the world would end one day, but not like that…"

"..Wait, us? You mean there are more?" England said, a pinch of hope in his voice.

"Well, he came to get Lithuania, but he didn't mind taken the rest of us with him. "

"So you mean… not everyone was saved… " America finally spoke up, turning around to face Russia. Russia simply nodded. America cursed quietly.

"This is all my fault. I had known about this, and I just treated it like it was a joke… "America turned so that he wasn't facing anyone. _Ah,_ Tony thought, _that's why he's acting like this. _He hadn't felt like the American had any blame for what happened. _And it's not like he completely disregarded the matter, _he thought, remembering the American's reaction when Tony had first told him.

"It isn't your fault, America. You did try to warn us, we just didn't believe you," England said, trying to comfort the younger man. America didn't respond and the atmosphere grew awkward again.

"Well, I think it's best if we all leave this behind us. I'm not saying that it's right to forget, but I also think it's bad to feel burden by all of this," Canada said quietly, in a hopeful tone. The other three humans turned around to face him. "It was just a suggestion though!" Canada added in, rather franticly.

"No, no, you actually made a good point, Canada, "England agreed. "I know we all want to change what happened, but there's no use in worrying about what we can't change. We are just going to have to continue living." Canada mumbled something along the lines of "So he does remember me," and the atmosphere seemed to lighten up after that. For just a moment, Tony felt twinge of respect for the Engl- limey. That's not to say that he didn't still hate him – oh no, he did, and he had wanted him to die when the Vogons came. But since he happened to be "close" to his American pal, there wasn't really too much he could do. Of course there _was _something he could do about it, but he did have a few ups on the limey with leaving him alive. _Oh yes, that limey definitely has it coming. _Tony made sure to wipe the smirk of his face. Suddenly, Tony had remembered something.

"Do you remember the fish, America?" he asked, turning his head for a moment so that he could talk. The American thought for a moment until a look of recognition came across his face.

"You mean that weird yellow fish you stuck in my ear when we first met? Yeah, it's a little hard to forget about _that," _he replied. At hearing this, England was shocked, while Russia giggled in his usual manner.

"There's a FISH in your head?" England nearly yelled, but Tony started speaking before America could respond.

"Yes, the Babel fish. As you know, it's what lets me understand you and what lets you understand me. I think we should give the others one also. I could always use you to translate when I need you to like before, but it's much easier to do it like this. I keep them in storage. Make sure to grab a few jars," Tony said nonchalantly.

One might question the space in Tony's space craft. From the outside, you wouldn't think it was very big, at all, since it is roughly the size of an Earth vehicle. However, that is only true for the outside. The inside of the ship is much bigger thanks to hyper space. Think of it as an Earth house (or what used to be one anyway).

What Tony meant by storage was one of the rooms on the ship, which America had happened to see once while Tony was cleaning the ship. When he was almost at the storage room, he noticed a familiar face.

"Oh, Mr. America! You really are okay. But I suppose it would be weird if your friend didn't save you, of course" Lithuania said, a sense of relief coming down on him. America laughed his usual obnoxious laugh, but it was a little subdued.

"You don't have to refer to me as Mr. America, you know! It's good to see that you're safe Lithuania! But why are you back here?" America laughed again. Lithuania seemed to be a little bit surprised by the question, but he replied back calmly.

"Oh, well I figured that I should try to help your friend Tony out since he was kind enough to save me. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help, and he told me that I could cook the meals."

"Hahaha! But I'm still happy to see that you are doing well," America said, smiling.

"As am I, America," Lithuania replied, smiling back. America nodded and continued to the storage room. He looked around until he saw small jars that he knew contained the strange fish. Grabbing multiple jars, he walked back over to Lithuania when a thought occurred to him. Pulling one jar out he opened it.

"What is it, America?" Lithuania asked. America shrugged.

"I can't even describe it. Tony told me to give one to everyone. Didn't Tony give you one before? I know that he beamed you up quite a few times," America said.

"Oh, yes he did," Lithuania said, as if remembering a bad experience.

"Can you do me a favor and put one in the others?" America asked.

"Of course I can help you," Lithuania said as he grabbed a few of the jars.

"Thanks dude!" America said as he walked back to the others. When he walked in, the three humans turned around. All they could do was stare at the jars he held in his hands. Tony continued to pilot the space ship. England was the first one to respond.

"What in the world are you holding?" England said as he eyed the small jars suspiciously. America laughed.

"You'll see," he said mischievously, as he unscrewed the jars. America then walked over to Canada, pulled out a small yellow fish, and after a little resisting from the fish, stuffed it inside the Canadians ear. Canada's eyes went wide for a second from shock. Then he walked over to Russia, who accepted the fish with a smile. Finally, it was England's turn. He walked over to England with a smirk on his face, ready to stuff the fish in.

"Oh don't look like you're enjoying this you git," England complained.

"Calm down, British dude, it's nothing," America said as he stuffed the fish in England's ear. All England could think was "First my home planet gets destroyed, then I get a fish stuck in my day. It has indeed, been a very unusual day."

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><p><strong>And that wraps it up for this week. I figured that Lithuania and America would already have a Babel fish. I just made since to me. I'll try getting chapter 3 done faster XD. Oh, yeah, if you didn't think of it as such before, this is an AU story (how could it not be?). So, yeah... If you like, please review, it really helps me!<strong>


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